Burning Up A Sun To Say Goodbye
by ArchiveForTheFandom
Summary: [COMPLETE, One-Shot] "He practiced in the mirror. All the different conversations they could have, all the responses he could give. He wanted to say how much he loved her. He never did before, always thinking he would have time." Inspiration came from a post on gallifreyburning on tumblr.


He stares in the mirror at himself. It's been a while without her and he still hasn't gotten use to her not being there, doesn't want to get use to it. Life without her is a life he never wanted to live. She saved him in so many ways, so many times.

At times he turns and starts to say something to her. Something to make her laugh and smile that beautiful tongue in teeth smile that makes the stars shine brighter and his whole life better. Then suddenly his world comes crashing down as he realizes she isn't there. Most likely will never be there again.

He has had to live through the lose of his own people, at his own hand and he feels like this is the worst thing he has ever experienced. His heart's physically ache and his head is consumed of thoughts of Rose. His Rose.

Since the moment she was yanked out of his life he has been looking for a way to bring her back. Thoughts consuming him trying to think of all the possibilities to bring her back to him. Out of the hundreds of years he has lived out of learning millions of new things and possibilities out of all the things his brilliant mind has thought of he can't think of one to bring her back without ripping the universe in half. Without her getting hurt in the process.

So he travels. Trying to learn something new, anything that could bring the stuff of legend back together because it's written in the stars. Their lives are combined, time lines wrapped around each other. A silly pink and yellow human with a mad, two hearted alien in a box.

He gets frustrated with the universe and wishes for the thousandth time since he met Rose that he was human. Then they wouldn't have been separated by parallel universes and his heart's wouldn't feel like they had been ripped out of his chest just leaving gaping holes in their wake.

Until one day he finds that he can see her again, but it's not forever. A few minutes at most. Rose promised him forever but their forever would end in a time span of less than five minutes, but he has to see her. He doesn't want to lose her not again but he wants to see her face. Her blonde hair and her perfect tooth in teeth smile. He wish he got forever with her, for forever would be perfect but it was never meant to be but he wish it never would have ended this way. It's gone through his head a thousand times. All the diffrent things he could have done to prevented this tragedy. If she was on the lever he held, if she stayed with her mother, if he left her in the TARDIS. Over the past months he has thought of all the possibilities wishing time could have changed. If only he foresaw what was to happen. But he didn't and he can't change things now.

He's going to burn up a sun just to say goodbye. He's never done something like this before. Never would have burned up a sun just to say goodbye but Rose changes him. She made him ask twice, something he had never done before. She was his impossible, beautiful human. She domesticated him, though he hated to admit it. She changed him for the better, from an angry war hardened Time Lord to someone who did took second chances and someone who wanted the possibility of a normal life.

He practiced in the mirror. All the different conversations they could have, all the responses he could give. He wanted to say how much he loved her. He never did before, always thinking he would have time. Always saying there is tomorrow, but she knew he loved her, even without saying the words. The way he held out his hand and she never let go, and the way he asked about forever.

His knew his clever girl. Knew the expressions on her face, and he knew her almost as well as herself. He knew her and knew her heart was broken. The face she had when he thought she was going to fall into the void would forever be imprinted on his brain forever, so he was going to be strong for her. He once told her emotions, pain and loss were apart of being human and what fueled their creativity.

He broke down. Crying and angry. The sadness and the anger consumed him at times. His reflection in the mirror showed a broken man. A man who seems young but his eyes told of his age. He no longer felt as young and as happy as he did when he was with her. He felt he had lived too long.

He tried again until he used the words so many thousands of times that though they still affected him, he didn't break down. He was going to be the strong for her, his yellow Rose. She deserved someone that could be strong for her.

The day finally came. He was going to say goodbye to his Rose. His precious, brilliant girl who accepted him with her whole being.

He had to tell her not to touch him, when her touch was all he craved and he wanted to hold her, kiss her and tell her how much he loved her. They talked but even though he had rehearsed this, after everything he had practiced words escaped him. He talked all the time, but the one moment in all of his lives that it mattered most he failed.

Two minutes.

She almost gave him a heart attack thinking she was pregnant for a moment. Leaving Rose Tyler was something he never wanted to do, already destroying him, but leaving a pregnant Rose Tyler would be the worst thing imaginable.

He told her about how she was dead on his side. He had gone to her funeral, looked at the list of dead and gone back to her old home. Clearing it up and putting things in the TARDIS because even though he was sure that it was impossible for her to come back he wanted to her feel at home if she did. He had to keep telling himself that she was alive. She wasn't dead no matter how much his world screamed it. She was alive with her family, just somewhere else, somewhere away from him.

He couldn't ever see her again and told her so and she broke down. He couldn't wipe her tears away, couldn't comfort her like he did after so many of their adventures. She told him that she loved him and though he knew it hearing her say it was one of the best moments of his life. The worst was that we couldn't say it back. He wasted to much time, letting everything waste away. He hoped she knew but seeing her fade away. Not knowing if he would ever see her again, not getting to wipe away her tears and tell her "I love you", was the thing that broke him the most.

His precious Rose. He asked her to travel with him twice. He let her see her dead father just because he would do anything he asked. He died for her. She was to him the stars and the suns in the sky. He never got to tell her how he felt, so he burned up a sun just to say goodbye.


End file.
